6 Comments
User's avatar
Rachel Nasatka's avatar

It’s a metaphor for being young and realizing that you don’t actually control life’s outcomes, and how early losses shape us. Any literary devices are accidental - I’m by no means a trained poet, I just read a lot and have always loved song lyrics, so that’s how the writing comes out!

Rachel Nasatka's avatar

Ha! Def not intentional. Would have happened by happenstance?

Jim Allen's avatar

I’m not done yet. I’m getting my $8 worth 😂😂

Virginia Curtis's avatar

I related to this. I think children with vivid imaginations like us definitely can become writers. All the worlds I created to live in were so much better, more fun and happier than the reality of childhood. Thanks for this memory revived. Love, Virg

Jim Allen's avatar

Explain please:

And then a shock scorched the earth

Ribbon ripped, unclean cut

A severed finger still beating

Waiting to be sewn up

Was this from the fantastical space? (by the way I did check.. I was surprised it was a word) BTW.. don’t allow my observations to discourage you. If you find they make the piece clearer, consider revising it. My problem is.. I’m not a poet.. I’m a technocrat.

BTW.., that Onomatopoeia just screamed of a high school assignment where the instructions are “Use 3 literary devices in a paragraph of your choosing“. That’s really what drove me to comment. If that’s what you meant.. great.

Jim Allen's avatar

Kind of big on the onomodopedia? Was it necessary or just added for effect?